Since I began keeping this journal, my entries have been what I would refer to as "light." Happy, happy. Junie skippety yay. There is a bit more to Junie though, and this is some of what has been churning beneath the surface.
Sometimes when I read the work of other writers whose work I admire (and there are many!), my next thought is a selfish one. What comes to mind is a desire to be part of the creation, and a split-second later, to at least be able to produce such work myself. Which is impossible. The futility of comparing myself to others isn't lost on me, but it's a lifelong habit. I don't expect to shed it anytime soon.
When I was younger I took to heart the advice that I would "find my voice" someday, and I've spent a good long time waiting. Maybe I've found it, only to realize that I have many voices. It depends on who I am, where I'm at, what has been happening on the day I set pen to paper (or thought to screen, as the case may be). There's a voice that rises to the top though, which I suppose I should accept as "my" voice, at least for the most part.
Wonderful. I have a voice. What I haven't learned yet is how to find words for it when I most need them. How to tap that reserve when it really matters. I feel like the older I get, the more my creativity atrophies. The more rigid I become, the more hemmed in by artificial boundaries that have gone up over the years.
It's maddening.
The fire is still burning, and the gods know I have enough fuel. I suppose what's lacking is an application for that energy. To strain the metaphor, I have a steam engine, the wheels are spinning, but the energy isn't being used. It only matters when the engine is powering something productive; a mill, drill press, a locomotive, a carousel. Else that energy is simply wasted. How often does the wheel need to practice turning?
At this point, if you're still reading, I'm sure you're wondering why I'm bothering to write this here. The answer is that Second Life is my primary outlet for creativity at the moment. It appeals to me at a technical and analytical level, and at an artistic level as well. Social goes without saying. My best friends in SL are my best friends. That may sound sad, but I'm satisfied with it for now. This is who I am and where I'm at for the moment. So, with that in mind, there is no better place for me to ponder these things.
Except in my head. But it's boring in there.
2 comments:
I feel your pain. I have always had problems with coming up with story ideas myself. I could visualise something, but attempting to put that down on paper was maddening. I can take someone else's idea and tweak it with ease.
Worse still is being friends with many professional writers who will go on about how the characters talk to them. Mine just look at me and say well what do YOU want to do.
I've made an attempt to get a story down in blog excerpts (though I've fallen behind with regular updates) but I've long resigned myself that I'll never make money from my writing.
Maybe I could be an editor :-)
You should definitely be an editor! :-)
The writing I've done since coming back to SL is some of the best I've done in years. Or at least the most completely plotted. I have characters, I have story ideas, but little experience with fiction. It's difficult to plan it through to the end.
And yet I've signed up for NaNoWriMo. It'll be like poking a bruise for 30 days! ;-)
Anyway....thank you for sharing your thoughts, Edward!
Post a Comment